Father’s Day

Father’s Day is here again and many of us are missing our dads. Some of us are missing fathers who have gone to be with God, some of us are missing fathers who are no longer in our life and then there are those of us who have never had our fathers in our life.  No matter what the reason for missing your dad, the pain is real and sometimes harsh. When we watch all of the others who enjoy their experiences with their dads we must retreat back to our memories for how it was or to our imaginations for how it could have been.

I miss my dad and there are many others who miss their dads but it’s okay. Some of us  feel sad and some of us feel lonely. We have to recognize that the feelings come from the love we have for our dads. I trust and believe that my dad is fine in the presence of God.  Memories come to me of growing up and recalling some of the things that I experienced with my dad. There were good times, bad times and ugly times but they were still important because those times involved me and my dad. I love him for that.

There were many lessons that I learned from my dad. I watched as he worked two jobs and very rarely took a day off. He was serious about showing up for work and being there on time. He was very loyal to helping other family members. Sometimes it meant that he would give them money and sometimes it meant that he recommended them for a job. My dad accepted responsibility and I find that I learned that lesson from him.

My dad loved the New York Mets baseball team. He claimed them as his team when they first joined the league and he stayed true to them as a fan through good times and bad times. My dad was a big fan of the singer Sam Cooke. I remember he took me with him to see Sam Cooke in concert when I was a little girl. I also remember going to a baseball game with my dad, to see the Mets of course. My dad loved to bowl but he was not a recreational bowler. My dad played to win every time. These are just a few of the memories that stayed  with me about my dad, I’m sure my sisters each have their own memories of my dad which are important to them.

I watched my dad go from a very independent person who took care of himself and others to a man who struggled with the reality of having to depend on others. He did not accept that easily. He still believed that he was able to do the things that he use to do but that was not the case. My dad was losing his eyesight and he was in denial about that. The Parkinson’s Disease was stealing his motor ability and he wasn’t happy about that. My dad was in the beginning stages of dementia and I watched as he inserted himself in the stories that he heard on the television. I watched him fight against these things and more but he was not winning that battle.

It was after my dad died that I realized how much of an influence he was and is in my life. My dad has been a very large influence in my spiritual growth and I thought that it was all my mom. She has her influence but so does he. I asked my dad to forgive me for those times when I fell short as his daughter and as his caregiver. I also had to let him know that I forgave him for those times when he fell short as my father and my caregiver. I have prayed and asked God to take care of my parents and to let them know how much I love them.

To those of us who have grandfathers, fathers, uncles, brothers, cousins or friends who have taken the time to teach us something or look out for us, take the time to wish them a Happy Father’s Day. Give it with love because you don’t know what their life circumstances are. Do not judge their past just bless their present. Those of you who are fathers but do not have a relationship with your children, God has provided healing for you through your children. Take advantage of that. It is said that when you nurture a child, you also nurture that child inside of you. If you did not have a relationship with your father use this time to change your family legacy.

God has promised us all that we are not alone. Go to God, admit that you need help and accept the help that God sends you. It’s not difficult to do but it does take courage to admit that you are not able to do it on your own. Remember one thing throughout all of this, your children love you and they need you and they want you. Love them the way you wish you had been loved. And to all those who are not present with their fathers on this day, tell them that you forgive them and love them. It will help you and them.

I love you and I miss you daddy, Happy Father’s Day.