Snow

We had snow this week and the forecast was for more than a foot to fall in New York City. There was an uneasy feeling that showed up in my being and I was unable to shake it. I finally realized that it was sadness because I was missing my mother. My mother loved it when it snowed and she had no problem going out to shovel it before her health made that a thing of the past. There were times when she was able to take the broom and sweep some of the snow off of the porch and she loved doing that.

We were lucky this week with only about 6 inches falling but I remember the times when it would really pile up and I had to shovel the snow in shifts. I would go out and shovel for 2 hours and then come back inside for 2 hours. I would then go back out and work some more until it was completed. Living in New York always holds surprises during the winter. Some winters were better than others. The snow and the ice were the things that made winter difficult for me. I never had a problem with the cold weather because I would dress for it but the snow and the ice always added some stress for me.

As my parents aged and their health began to fail them, I had to be especially careful when scheduling their doctor appointments. I was very concerned about the snow and the ice and their ability to maneuver through it. Snow and ice falling from the tops of buildings and other structures were also a concern of mine for them. My feelings for the snow never matched my mother’s love for it but I manage to this day to get through it.

I remember one storm that left us with more than 15 inches of snow on the ground. I went out and started shoveling and about 30 minutes later when I looked up, my mother was standing out on the porch. When I asked her why she was out here she said that she was here to keep me company while I shoveled. I thought that it was so sweet. So we stayed out there for about 30 minutes and I told her it was time for us to go inside. That was the last snow storm she was able to be outside while I shoveled. She was able to watch me shovel from the living room window.

So now each time I hear a forecast of snow I smile because I know when I go out there to shovel my mom will be there with me. Some days are better than others when you’re missing someone that has left the physical world and returned to the spiritual world. I miss her dearly and although I’m well aware that she is still nearby in spirit, it saddens me since I’m unable to see her. So I allow my sadness to work its way through me and add some more healing  love to my heart. I let my mother know that I do miss her and love her.

And I am grateful and thankful to God for the snow which allowed me to spend some special time with my mother’s memory. So as the tears well up in my eyes, I just let them flow and accept the love and comfort from God and my mommy.